Whatever it is .. I think I live wrapped in a cacoon of it. I spend so many hours thinking about all of the things that I “should” be doing. All of the things I “should” have done by now, and all of the things that I “should” be….and they’re all interesting, and lovely, and sweet, and idealistic.
None of them are wholly rational. None of them are necessarily valid for where I am in my life. Surely though, I “should” have them. Although let’s be clear .. my swanky loft apartment that I should have .. I actually should have that ..
I “should” be any number of things. I get so wrapped up in the “should” that I forget to look at the person I am. I worry. Then I lean into the worry a little more and I use it as a crutch. I procrastinate. I get distracted by the things that are not perfect in my life instead of being uplifted by the things that are amazing. The incredible friends I have who support me. A family who loves me. A life that is actually far better than I give it credit for. Life experience that .. while not always pleasant .. has turned me into the person I am today. The talent that I joke about being amazing, but really am afraid is subpar, and in reality is somewhere in between and could be better if I spent less time joking and being afraid and more time working on it.
A lot of my time is given over to the Shane that “should” be. I don’t give enough time to the person I am right now or appreciating how far I’ve come.
This week maybe I should be more mindful of doing that.